I’m my own audience

I try really hard to make sure my kids are given the opportunity to be creative and entertain themselves. I provide them with educational toys and, yes, tv. We play together and I find those teachable moments to help them learn and grow as thoughtful human beings. But sometimes, I’m just here to entertain my own damn self. This week I kept track of a few things I said purely for my own amusement:

*****

Me: If you could do anything you want to do today, what would it be?

Kid: I… want… to… hit myself on the chin with this marker.

Me: Good. That’s good. You gotta have goals. Dream big I say. Hey! Look at that! You did it! Check that off your bucket list, my friend.

*****

[While watching Blues Clues and Joe is taking a ridiculous amount of time finding the clue right in front of his damn face]

Me: Seriously Joe, you gotta pull it together. This is not rocket science. And while we’re at it, quit wondering who the letters are from. They’re from your friend. They’re ALWAYS from your friend.

Kid: It’s not rocket science?

Me: Exactly. You tell ’em.

Kid: It’s not rocket science, Joe.

*****

Kid: Mom, I need a little guy to fit in this tractor.

Me: Hmmm, I don’t think we have one that small. Here- make one out of paper and we’ll cut him out and put him in there.

[Art project ensues]

Kid: I can’t get him to stay in there.

Me: Here, let me try. Get in there little man. “No! No! Let me be free! I must dance!” You must drive this tractor little man. “But I must dance!” Say cool it, Footloose.

Kid: Cool it, Footloose.

Me: Yeah, cool it Footloose, these fields aren’t gonna till themselves. Ah, Kid, this little man doesn’t want to fit in there, does he?

Kid: No, mom, he wants to dance.

Me: Then let’s dance, man!

[Dance party ensues]

*****

I’m glad he gets me.

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